i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
