so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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