Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
