I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
