he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
