I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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