I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
