I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
