It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize