If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
