What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
