Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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