we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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