I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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