I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
