I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
