how can u be prego again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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