just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
