The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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