There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
