i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
