we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
