I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
