Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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