Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
