fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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