and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
