it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
