I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This baby is an asshole
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
