the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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