Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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