i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
