cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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