You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
