we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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