The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
