spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
