So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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