He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
