my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
