I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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