Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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