do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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