Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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