Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize