My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
