i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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