Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
