apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
