Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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