How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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