tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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