Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize