Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
