i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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