He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
