I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
