Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
