It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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