Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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