do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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