It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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