you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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