i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
