oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
