i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
