so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
