mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
