yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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