I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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