Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
